Pecking Order
by JC of the Corn
Summary: Jaune Needs training. A mystical being shows up to grant his wish. But was it worth it? Yes, I was drunk again. CRACK FIC, TFS CROSSOVER.


**Drunken writing, have fun. I do not own RWBY, TFS, or DBZ. Also, yes I was drunk, and this kind of was messed up even by drunk me standards.**

* * *

 **JAUNE**

Jaune sighed. He needed more training. And he needed it quickly. But where was he going to go? He couldn't go to the gym, because Cardin for some reason had become really obsessed with the weight room ever since he had a dream about Jaune beating him into the ground yelling 'Down' and 'Up' over and over again. So needless to say, everyone was irritated because Cardin would hog all the weights and machines. So that wasn't an option. Pyrrha was tired from rooftop training. So where else was he to go.

"Hi." He heard a voice say from behind him as he jumped up in fright. And then he turned around.

And to be honest, he felt scared for his life. In front of him was a completely black human being, or..was it a human? He didn't know, it was wearing a turban with a blue jewel in the middle of it, along with a red vest, with white poofy pants and genie shoes. How could a being dressed so strangely be so intimidating. Jaune figured it was the eyes, the eyes that pierced into his very soul and made him think that there was no god.

"H-Hi." He said despite the fact he had the urge to piss himself.

"I notice you wander in here." The being said as Jaune felt a little creeped out.

"You've been watching me?! That is so s-" He started to yell until the being yelled back.

"Shut up Maggot!" He stated firmly as Jaune felt the temperature drop and for some reason the background he was standing in flashed red.

"Uhm...Y-Yes sir!" He said as the being just had the same look on his face the entire time. That horrible unblinking face that promised agony at every turn.

"Now, I believe I can help you with your little problem." He said as Jaune remained silent.

"You see, since you wandered in here, and I have nothing better to do than to smoke weed and fuck prostitutes, it gets boring after awhile." He said as Jaune took a step back.

"You're not going to touch me are you?" Jaune said as he reminded him of the creepy priest who used to be at his church.

"No." He said as the black man seemed annoyed.

"Also, don't call me Black Man, My Name is Mr. Popo." He said as Jaune looked confused.

"But I didn't call you Black man..." He said as Popo looked in his eyes.

"But you were thinking ittttttt." He said as Jaune felt even more scared.

Mr. Popo was not only scary and intimidating, but he could also read minds? What the hell kind of semblance did he have?

"I don't have a semblance, I am beyond that." He said as Jaune decided to stop thinking about the situation.

"That would probably do you well." Popo said as Jaune's thoughts went silent.

"S-So you said you could help me?" He said as Popo nodded.

"Of course, now...follow me." He said as Popo turned around, and while Jaune wanted to run away, he had learned one thing.

Don't mess with the Popo.

"Uhm, Mr. Popo, are you sure this will help?" He asked as Popo glared at him.

"Oh I am going to have so much fun with you." Popo said in a creepy tone.

 _"Oh god, he's going to throw me in the back of a van."_ Jaune thought as Popo could smell the fear radiating off of him.

"Now...stand in this circle." He said as Jaune didn't understand what was going on.

"Uhm, okay? Like this?" He asked as Popo grinned.

"Yeah. Byyyyyyyeeeee." He said as Jaune was confused.

"Wait..Wh-" He then disappeared.

And then all was silent, Mr. Popo just stood there, basking in the silence and darkness. Wondering what horrors Jaune was currently experiencing, and then, he laughed, and he laughed and he laughed.

"Ha ha ha ha HAA ha ha ha HA HA!" Popo laughed as he was sure Jaune was going to be as emotionally scarred as little billy coming out of catholic sunday school.

* * *

 **THE NEXT DAY**

"Where is Mr. Arc?" Goodwitch stated as she couldn't understand why Jaune was late, he was never late, even if he did often get his ass whipped during combat training.

Even his own team hadn't seen him today. And she knew because the Nikos girl had been searching for him high and low. She waited up all night for him to get back to the dorm, but he never showed. And she was worried to death that her succulent blond partner had been kidnapped. So of course, when it came down to it. She went to the first suspects.

TEAM CRDL

 _FLASHBACK_

 _"I SWEAR TO GOD I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" Cardin yelled out as Pyrrha currently had them tied up to a desk chair._

 _"Cardin, this is your last chance, if you do not speak up, I swear to god I will ram my sword up your dick!" She yelled as his team members even screamed out._

 _"I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT ME TO SAY?!" Cardin yelled as he didn't really want a blade shoved up his dick hole._

 _"Confess to your crimes!" She yelled as all four members of the team started to cry._

 _"OKAY! OKAY WE'LL TALK! JUST GET THAT SWORD AWAY FROM OUR WILLIS AND DOODLEBERRIES!" Dove yelled out as Pyrrha put her sword back on her back._

 _She walked up to Dove first, obviously he must have known something._

 _"What did you do?!" She yelled as she was going to find her Jaune._

 _"Sometimes when I'm all alone in the dorm room, I'll strip naked, cover myself in baby oil and crawl around on the floor pretending I'm a slug!" He yelled as Pyrrha's mind went blank._

 _"...Wow...And I thought I had issues, seriously you need therapy you sick bastard." Pyrrha said as she moved to Lark._

 _"Okay! You must know something! What is it?!" She yelled with her hand on her sword._

 _"SOMETIMES WHEN I'M ALL ALONE IN THE ROOM, I DRESS UP IN A TIGHTER LEATHER GIMP SUIT AND PRETEND PROFESSOR GOODWITCH IS PUNISHING ME!" He said as Pyrrha looked completely grossed out...along with his teammates._

 _"Dude! What the fuck does your internet history look like?!" Cardin yelled out as Pyrrha was tempted to skewer Lark's dick._

 _But then she remembered that he might actually get a kick out of that and moved on to Russel._

 _"Okay punk, how about you?!" She yelled as Russel started crying._

 _"I do the same thing, except its with tight leather briefs and Professor Port!" That officially made Pyrrha want to vomit._

 _"DUDE WHAT THE FUCK?!" Cardin yelled out as he actually did puke, except sicne he was tied up, he ended up puking on himself. So now he had shit himself from fear, and to make matters worse, he was covered in todays lunch, and Pyrrha had moved on to him._

 _"Cardin...this is your last shot! CONFESS!" She said hoping she would get the answers she wanted._

 _"OKAY! I ADMIT IT! I SNEAK INTO CFVY'S DORM ROOM AND STEAL VELVET'S CLOTHES, PUT THEM ON ALONG WITH A PAIR OF FAKE BUNNY AIRS AND HOP AROUND THE ROOM PRETENDING I'M A BUNNY IN THE MEADOW!" He yelled out as Pyrrha just shut down._

 _She leaned backward, and you could even hear the sound of a rusted door hinge as she took a few steps back._

 _"I change my mind, there is no way you four could have kidnapped him...more importantly, I thought I had issues with posessiveness, but damn, I practically look like The pope compared to your four...I'm going back to my dorm, and purging any memory of this night from my head." She said as she walked away._

 _"You forgot to untie us!" Cardin yelled as a bullet hole suddenly appeared in the chair right between his legs._

 _"PURGING MY MEMORY OF THIS NIGHT!" Pyrrha yelled as Cardin and his team were left there crying in a puddle of tears and Cardin's puke._

 _Only to be found by Professor Peach the next morning._

 _FLASHBACK END_

Needless to say, Team CRDL was currently in therapy after they had inadvertantly confessed their secrets to professor peach thinking she was Pyrrha. And while they tried to keep in under wraps, the whole school now knew Team CRDL's dirty secrets.

Coco actually had to go and hold Velvet back from castrating Cardin after she found out what he had been doing to her stuff. Which would explain why her clothes always seemed stretched out. Goodwitch in the meantime was now dressed more modestly and didn't have her weapon on her. As she really did not want to look like herself considering that Lark thought she looked like a dominatrix. So now she was dressed like a regular civilian.

Port on the other hand, did not take the news well, and didn't tell any stories of his time as a youth as he was rather disturbed by what he had heard about one of his students.

"Hey! I'm here." Jaune said as he walked in all fidgety.

"Ah, Mr. Arc...are...are you okay?" Goodwitch said as Jaune had his hood up.

"Oh yeah! Fine! Who am I fighting?!" He yelled out too quickly.

"Uhm, your opponent is Miss Cinder Fall, one of the visiting students." She said as her student did not look like he was all there.

"Ah, this should help me relax." Ozpin said as he sat down enjoying his coffee thinking nothing could go wrong.

"This day just keeps getting stranger." Professor Oobleck said as he sat down next to Ozpin.

"BEGIN!" Goodwitch yelled as Cinder pulled out her bow and arrow and started firing arrows at Jaune.

Only surprisingly, he didn't move. Well, at least until they got close to him. Then he started dodging at blinding speed. In fact he was moving so fast that you could see afterimages of himself. Cinder was shocked! Wasn't this the same boy who could barely hold his own against the sexually repressed all male team that had just been sent to the funny farm? What the heck happened to him last night.

"Ha you missed!" He yelled as he suddenly heard an explosion behind him. And he looked back to see that the arrows had exploded.

"Good thing too, those arrows were charged with explosives." She said as she noticed Jaune was muttering.

"Don't break Popo's stuff..." He said over and over to himself.

"Hm, I wonder whats wrong with the boy Ozpin...Ozpin? Are you okay?" Oobleck said as Ozpin suddenly went pale and dropped his coffee cup while muttering something under his breath.

"Don't break Popo's stuff, don't break Popo's stuff, Don't Break Popo's stuff!" Ozpin was muttering as he joined Jaune.

"Uh, are you two alright?" Goodwitch said as both Professor Ozpin and Jaune yelled out.

"SIXTH RULE OF POPO'S TRAINING!" They said as they ran out of the room in terror.

Goodwitch was shocked! She could understand Mr. Arc getting scared. But Ozpin?! What kind of devil could have done this.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii." An ominous voice rang in the arena as they all turned and screamed at the sight.

Mr. Popo was here, and he was here to stay.


End file.
